my sister just texted me out of nowhere “do you want some pizza rolls i accidentally made 80”
why do shampoo bottles weigh hardly anything but when you drop them in the shower they turn into a meteor
everyone’s having their mid-life crises at like 19
chris evans with a beard is the type of guy to take you out drinking and take you home and fuck you until you cannot walk
chris evans without a beard is the type of guy to bring you flowers and coffee before work and tell you a joke while making love
Him with the beard though……….yum
Have you ever played a video game where you have to sleep to recover? They only let you do it if everything is safe. Otherwise they won’t let you sleep. You’ll get a message, saying “You cannot sleep now, there are monsters nearby.”
Now, remember the last time you just couldn’t get to sleep?
Don’t you fuckin do this to me
making my way downtown oh my fucking god where am i
in america we don’t say “i love you” we just send people the emoji with the sunglasses
i get frustrated when i dont get a joke that has like 200k notes like what is it that 200,000 people understand that i dont
Photographer Mattias Klum from National Geographic gets close and personal with a lion.
"and all of a sudden you feel very small" damn right
if a gay guy complements a girl does he say “no hetero” afterwards?
my school’s jokes are actually getting funny